How to Feel Like You’re in Lord of the Rings

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Everyone loves Lord of the Rings!

Okay, that’s a lie. That’s wishful thinking. Sometimes I forget that just because I love something, the whole world doesn’t feel the same way. (If you happen to not like Lord of the Rings, why are you here reading this? Feel free to stick around, of course, but I don’t think you’ll find anything in tune with your interests……….. unless my suggestions encourage you to read the series/watch the films, in which case, you’re very welcome.) If you want to take your love for Tolkien’s world to the next level, if you want to really feel like you’re living in the stories of Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, or Middle Earth in general, my advice would be to either A) attend a Tolkien-themed convention, or B) visit New Zealand. However, if either of those options are too financially or logistically unfeasible, here are some other techniques you can try.

  1. In the colder months, opt for a cloak instead of a traditional jacket or coat. Enhance the look by fastening it with a nature-inspired brooch. If you get lost, you can throw (or spit) the brooch on the ground so your friends can find you. If you find yourself in danger, cower under the cloak and pretend it looks like a rock from the outside. It won’t look like a rock, but you might feel better.

  1. Eat seven times a day. At least one of those meals should consist of dry, tasteless bread and a hunk of cheese. (The cheese format is very important. Slices will not do the trick.) If you want to go the extra mile, stab the cheese with a small dagger and eat it off of that.

  1. Find a group of tall, willowy, aloof people to befriend. Earn their respect by proving your courage. Perhaps offer to take a dangerous object far, far away.

  1. Gather eight of your friends, for a total of nine people, and walk. Walk as a group. Walk forever. Over hill and over dale. Through bogs and forests. Walk for miles upon miles. If you prefer the Dwarven method, aim for a group of fourteen people, plus a guide who will ditch you at regular intervals.

 

  1. Drink all of your beverages out of a tankard. Any cup with a handle will do in a pinch, but a tankard really is best. Primarily you’re going to want to drink ale or mead. If you happen to come upon Ent draught, you’re going to need a really really really oversized wooden cup.

  1. Put this song on, crowd around a fireplace with your extended family, and brood about the past.

  1. Only eat meals sitting at a wooden table with a bench, or on the ground.

  1. If you ever find yourself at the mouth of a volcano, throw your jewelry into it. Be careful not to become overly attached to the jewelry and decide to follow it in yourself. You should also probably have a giant bird on hand to rescue you in case things go awry.

  1. Breed a giant species of spider. Set them loose in the woods.

  1. Throw a massive outdoor party. Invite everyone you know, even people you don’t really like. Hire a band that includes a lute player. Serve a cake that is too heavy for one person to lift. Fireworks are a must. End the evening with a cryptic speech, and, if you’re really ambitious, a well-practiced stage illusion.

There you have it! Should you decide to partake in the Middle Earth lifestyle, I hope these suggestions will aid you on your quest.

 

Disclaimer: All of the images on this post have been screen-captured from the various Lord of the Rings and Hobbit films. We do not own, nor claim to own the rights to these images – as they are the property of their creator. Thanks.

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