So I know–I can tell by the way people look at me in the gym. I’m a champion. A viable Greek god of physical prowess. Truly–my face should be on Wheaties boxes anytime now.
Okay, so maybe I’m struggling just to keep breathing after I walk up the stairs to my office. There are a lot of them in my defense. Like ten or more! That in mind, I’m really not the most physical guy. I like jogging and yoga but I’m not a professional. I do it for myself. I don’t want to develop diabetes or gout. Knowing I’m not alone in being a little less than an athlete, I thought it would be interesting to add more sports for nerds to the games. Maybe adding in something more cerebral would make more competition for trying out.
Comment what you think should have made the list.
1) Competitive Dodgeball
“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” So maybe this is a hot button topic for you–I understand. There have been several attempts at adding dodgeball but the sport doesn’t show enough consistency worldwide and doesn’t seem to show much growth. My problem? I didn’t even know that was an option. I was terrible at dodgeball (big target) but I loved it. I think we could start a ‘National Dodgeball League’ and have it televised within a few years and then BAM! in the Olympics.
2) Gladiator Oar Fighting
I know I can’t be the only person in the world who watched American Gladiator and thought–I could watch ‘oar fighting’ forever. In fact why aren’t all of the Gladiator games in the Olympics? I guess one battle at a time. But you know that thing where two people smack the crap out of one another with foam double ended beating sticks? Yeah–that should be a sport. I could finally have something I’m good at.
No not the candy–the game. Maybe this one was a little before your time, but you should find out about this game soon. It is basically a mixture of bowling and tops with the added fun of a labyrinth. You spin your top and hope that it finds its way through the obstacles and knocks down all the pins. It would be great because the added luck value would make for huge upsets.
In the past, sports have been declined because of lack of interest and few constant number of players, teams, and interest. Well if Day9 and ALL (not really, okay read this) of South Korea isn’t enough to convince you that people like this game still then just check out the BattleNet pages for how many games are still being played. These kids have this down to a science and better still they actually have battle schools (like in Ender’s Game!!!!) to teach people how to play. The game is so popular that you can actually be a professional player now.
Like the third string of the Justice League, everyone has a talent. Charades is the game of guessing wildly what someone is trying to draw. It would make a great game because you know watching a team of grown adults in matching spandex uniforms sitting on the official Olympics couches in a huge stadium would be hilarious. As an added bonus, suddenly years of my childhood could be called ‘training’ instead of ‘wasted.’
“We see Jones stepping up to the word processor. He is adjusting the seat height,”
“Yes Ted, last year Jones struggled through 80,000 words at a slight downward angle that really hurt his wrists,”
“That’s right Bob, he won’t be making that mistake this year–wait, oh no! He is checking his Facebook. The judges do not look happy. That could lose him points for being distracted.
Okay so I think this would be amazing. Teams of writers enter a cubicle farm in matching track suits and have one week to write a full novel based on a prompt given to them. Sure there isn’t much physical activity but the sheer mental strain of writing for that long would be amazing. Plus it would be the next logical step in NaNoWriMo.
Because the Japanese team doesn’t have enough sports they are crazy good at yet–let’s add their national pastime. It would be great. Suddenly your local bar would be holding tryouts, every American Idol fan would be talking about going to the games, and all those times you belted ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ in the car would not be wasted. As an added bonus you could feature songs the performers choose, a co-op round, and then have a random (maybe their language maybe not) round to really test their skills. It could be judged by Howard Stern and Cee Lo Green. Best of all–losing teams have to buy the first round!
Teams are given an objective. They must perform various scientific tasks and are graded by how efficiently they carry out those tasks. Then for the big finale they have to create an experiment, perform it, and provide the resulting article to a panel of peers for review, then wait twelve weeks, correct any issues that were found, retest their hypothesis, and then demonstrate their findings at a conference. It would be great because it would make normal work more fun (you can win shiny metal things to put around your neck) and it would make all those biology nerds who could never make it to your parties Olympians!
9) Settlers of Catan
I am many things–and serious about my Eurogaming is one of them. So why not make this a competitive sport? I suppose things like Magic the Gathering or Warhammer could be included but those games are so dependent on finances and have their own professional leagues. Games that are balanced out of the box that just about any viewer could understand would be much more approachable. Plus this would be way more fun to watch–the hour-long rule checking for Warhammer would not fly with most television viewers.
10) Beer Pong
Because what Americans want (and I will assume by proxy the rest of the world) is more intoxicated people on TV. It would be a test of will and dexterity that would push athletes the world over to go farther and be stronger. Best of all this can immediately be followed up by…
11) Table Flipping
A competitive sport to those who attend Magic the Gathering tournaments, political debate watch parties, and anyone who has ever attempted to play Warhammer. The table flip is a time honored tradition of the most humanist of human behaviors–pure nerd rage. Celebrate that tradition by trying for distance, height, and style. AND if you thought figure skating had exciting costume choices–just wait till you see a Storm Trooper and Master Chief square off in ‘the round table event.’ Bottom line, I’m pretty sure the Greeks would have approved. If not they would have definitely liked…
After what has been likely some of the most violent and socially advancing years this planet has ever seen it only makes sense that revolution has become a sport for most of the world. In many ways this would be a popular game with buzz-brands like ‘The Hunger Games’ having been so popular as of late. Small teams of students and socially aware people would ban together to defeat a dictator and his army of highly trained super soldiers. Points would be allotted based on creativity, use of social media, and success of the new government. The only downside is that there wouldn’t be any coverage in the media and everyone would act like nothing was happening in that stadium.
Well? What do you think? What would you have said should be an Olympic Sport? Let us know by commenting down below.