X-Men: What the Hey is Wrong with our Time Lines?

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Alright, so by now you should have had time to watch X-Men: Days of Future Past and this won’t all be spoilers to you. That or you just like watching the world burn as you ruin a great movie for yourself by reading about all the crap you should have just bucked up and paid $10 to find out.

Anyway–

The second installment of X-Men: Crystal is the most satisfying taste sensation you will see this summer. It’s funny, it’s sad, it’s sexy, it’s exciting–and that’s just when Peter Dinklage is on the screen (see ‘Yummy’). Truthfully it is a great follow-up to X-Men: First Class and finally does one thing no other director had the guts to do–kill the original franchise. Like a rabid dog in Atticus’s neighbor–that bitch went down.

So with the movies finally fixed to be closer to what we really think of as X-Men movies and not just cheap excuses to keep pumping out sub-par action figures we are left with an insurmountable amount of ambiguity to how all the movies tie together. For starters–they all don’t count now. It’s like Star Trek’s reboot where they cleverly erase all the sins of the ‘diamond cannon’ and make the series finally have a standard timeline.

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For X-Men, all those Wolverine movies, the horrid 2nd and 3rd installments of X-Men (maybe even that Evolution series who knows) are gone. They never happened (sort-of) and now the filmmakers are free to keep make more screen cheese without all those pesky plot holes. Right?

Well except that there are a lot of plot holes. Things like when Xavier and Eric first met, or did Professor X met Jean with or without powers (with or without the use of his legs), and how exactly did Wolverine get his claws if he was picked up by Mystique instead of Striker?

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First, let’s say one thing: it’s a movie. Movies make mistakes. That is probably why there are mistakes at all. That and the fact that the same creative teams didn’t make all the films (or a laughably terrible team had the rights for a while and made cheap explosion porn to rake in some easy money).

Second, let’s take a look at time travel. Time travel has nearly always been treated as a way to make things just turn out better. Almost always, time travel is used to fix something. In comics, characters come back to life or retell shotty story lines to make fans happy (as with the X-Men movies). In films it is usually treated as a gimmick to move the plot ahead (like in Futurama). The problem is it nearly never treats time correctly (except in Futurama). Understandably I don’t expect a comic or script writer to have a PhD in physics (except for Futurama).

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In Days of Future Past however we have evidence that time travel is actually used correctly. For starters they have to send you back in your own body. This is actually pretty close to theories that state you have to stay with your own body (like a spaceship that can only have one passenger). Secondly they make mention of the ‘destiny’ theory that events happen even if you change something (which is actually a social science theory and not so much a physics thing).

 

After seeing the movie (twice) I came to theory to fix all the inconsistencies I saw: everything happened exactly the way it happened/as we are told they happened (just several times).

My theory is that Professor X has not only gone back in time but has done it several hundred thousand times or more. You see we get this flash at the end of Last Stand in which he enters the body of his twin brother who is comatose. Fan theories have said he uses the next ten years to manipulate his body till he can use it, or he makes a clone of his original self and transfers to it, or he just forces a perception of his self out to everyone all the time. That is all crap.

Like seriously–that is way over thinking the issue. Why would someone spend some much time just to look like Patrick Stewart? Well, okay–I would because… well… Reasons. But in X-Men it doesn’t make sense. That is a lot of time spent making a cosmetic change. It makes a lot more sense that the Days of Future Past event happens after the Last Stand.

You see, they go back, change the past, and maybe this time Professor X at least keeps his body instead of being incinerated in psych-fire. After this the DoFP happen again and this time they make a few more changes in the past. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Everytime they go back they alter the timeline and more importantly alter the technological, medical, and cultural advances. This is how you get Cerebro in a timeline where there are only four major networks (“and PBS,” –”shut up Beast”). This is also how you have robots that can intellectually seek out mutants to murder them based on genetics in a time where the human genome wasn’t even mapped out yet. Each time Prof. X sends himself or someone else back in time they screw with the natural progression and advance technology by a small margin.

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“But, that is complete crap too,” says you. “Why wouldn’t Xavier say something about that then?”

My theory is that Professor X used the mutant abilities of the X-Men to send him back after the comic book DoFP, then the second time around after the Last Stand he was ready with a plan on how to get his body back. The next time he needs to go back to stop the Sentinels he is too old though . His mind wouldn’t make the journey like it had the other times.

wolverineSo this time he sends Wolverine but sneaks his mind back into the past. This time when his younger self and he speak he doesn’t just talk but rather downloads to his past. He keeps it a secret however as he doesn’t know what will happen on this timeline with the changes already made and he doesn’t want anyone else figuring out how he keeps one step ahead of his enemies.

After Logan returns to the future, Prof. X is free to restart the school, gather the team members he already knows will be good selection, and creates a way to stop Phoenix before she gets started. That is why Wolverine returns to a happy future. Xavier has had several thousand tries at getting things right the way he wants them–using the knowledge he has gained from his several lifetimes.

This means everything from the comics, cartoons, bad films, and the new films can be cannon. Because Xavier can just keep trying to get things right. Each time it fails he transports his consciousness back in time using Kitty Pryde, Rachel Summers, or whoever else he can get his hands on. Professor X is playing psych musical chairs till he gets the best possible reality.

In a way it makes Xavier’s secretive nature, supreme wisdom, and penchant for super luck not only sensible but chillingly dark. His whole character becomes more understandable. It explains why he forgives Magneto for all the horrible things he has done–because in truth Xavier has done much worse several times. He always knows what is coming and knows he will be the only survivor till he gets it right.

Anyway, what do you think? Do you think Mr. X is a body snatching cross-time-space-dimension jumping monster trying to run from the possible reality–or is it just all continuity errors? Comment below!

Also–totes ready for some Apocalypse!

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